How to Recover from a Breakup & Find Love Again
We’ve all been there. For one reason or another, your relationship ends. Sometimes you’re not sure why. Other times, the reason the relationship is over is clear.
But now what?
Do you jump into something brand-new? Do you wait? And how do you find love again now that this one is going?
The correct answer is none of the above.
The first thing you need to do is heal from the breakup. Until you fully heal from the breakup, you’re doomed to ruin the next relationship.
You’ll take all of your baggage into that relationship, and it will color your decisions and actions. Ultimately, it may cause a premature end to your next relationship, too.
It’s the classic rebound.
So, if you’re trying to avoid a rebound, and you need to heal, how do you do that? How do you become ready for a new relationship?
Here’s how you recover from your breakup and become ready to love again.
The first step to recovery from a breakup is to know the symptoms of a broken heart.
A broken heart leaves your emotions topsy-turvy. Your mind can be all over the place.
Instead of seeing all the positive potential of the future, all of your thoughts are consumed by loneliness, worry about the future, and feeling like you will never find love.
But a broken heart isn’t just about your emotions, it can cause physical and hormonal changes. It’s the exact opposite of the stages of falling in love.
Your body may experience aches and pains as if the loss were physical. But the good news is that you can recover from this. And the first step is to realize your heart is broken so that you can work on healing it.
The next step to getting over a breakup is to go home.
Our natural instinct is to go back to family and friends after a breakup. The saying goes that you can never go home again… but after a breakup, that’s the best place to go.
These are the people who you know will stand by you.
Your family and closest friends can see you when you’re at your most vulnerable, and you know they won’t take advantage of it. You can trust them to support you and to let you lean on them while you’re feeling low.
You don’t have to get over breakup alone. Even if you are far from your family, the cell phone connects you.
Avoid depression by getting out of the house.
Instead of sitting home and wallowing in depression while you recover, the best thing to do is to get out.
Make time to go out for drinks with friends. Spend time doing things you love to do. Take a class and something that you’ve always wanted to learn.
Find a hobby to occupy your time and have some fun.
Go out and meet new people. Keep in mind that the idea is to do things that make you feel fulfilled, not shop for new dates.
Speaking of dates…
Give yourself time to heal before accepting a date with anyone new.
When someone asks you out, you feel worthy. It makes you feel good about yourself. So, it can be tempting to take the first person who asks up on their offer.
But don’t do it.
Rushing to date too soon only leads to more heartache. If you haven’t recovered from a breakup and you start a new relationship, you doom it to fail from the beginning.
Give yourself the time to grieve the relationship that ended before you start a new one.
And speaking of grief… let it happen.
No matter why the relationship ended, you lost something.
When you started this relationship, you probably expected it to last. You invested in it, and you put time into it, and made an effort to integrate that person into your life.
Not the relationship is over, all of that is gone. It doesn’t matter if the relationship ended because someone was unfaithful, or if it ended because it just wasn’t working out. Either way, a dream died with that relationship.
And with any death, there comes grief.
Grief is a natural process, one that you won’t be able to control. And you shouldn’t try to control it.
Some people try to hold back the tears, but psychologists say that crying helps us to soothe our grief. Trying to hold it back only lengthens the amount of time you need to recover.
Plus, repressed grief can turn into anger. You don’t want that anger to carry over into your new relationship.
Create new habits.
You and your previous partner probably had a routine. Maybe every day on the way from home from work you would talk on the phone. Or maybe you were in the habit of stopping by each other’s work for lunch. Maybe you worked out together.
Most of these routines and habits are suddenly either unnecessary or remind you the other person. It’s time to create new habits.
If you used to talk to each other on the phone on the way home from work, call a friend. Or your mother. She’s always happy to hear from you.
If you had lunch with each other frequently, go shopping instead or meet another friend.
And if you worked out together, find a new workout buddy… Or simply find a different time of day to work out that won’t remind you as much.
It’s not that you want to eliminate each of the habits, but you want to replace it, so you’re not constantly reminded of the change.
One of the greatest tools of recovery is to learn from the relationship.
Every relationship we are in teaches us something. Maybe we learn something new about ourselves. Or maybe we learn something about the world.
We learn what flaws we can tolerate, with character traits we desire in a new partner, we may even discover a new food we didn’t know we liked before.
If the relationship was toxic, you can look at the relationship with the new perspective of it being behind you and figure out how you ended up there.
Did you bring out the worst each other? Did you allow behaviors that allowed your partner to take advantage of you? Was there abuse?
How did you contribute to these things? Could you have handled things differently? Learn from the relationship and grow so that next time, it goes better.
Decide what you want out of your next relationship.
Think about what you loved in that relationship and what you didn’t like it all. Use this as a time to think about what you want in your next partner.
Too many people go shopping for a new relationship before they even figure out what they’re looking for.
That’s like deciding that you want a new car, so you just go to a lot and pick a car without knowing what you want. Do you want an SUV, a compact, or an electric vehicle? Do you want red, blue, black… You get the picture.
You wouldn’t just randomly pick a car, and it’s even more important to not just randomly pick a partner.
Before you start looking for a new person to spend your time with, you should know how you want to spend your time and with what type of person.
Treat yourself well.
One of the best ways to recover from a breakup quicker is to plan something wonderful that you will be able to look forward to. Maybe you plan a holiday party or vacation to the Bahamas.
It doesn’t matter what you plan, as long as you will be looking forward to it and be excited.
You can also do smaller things for yourself.
Do you like golf? Treat yourself to a round of golf with someone that you like to spend time with. If you enjoy spa treatments, splurge a little… Pamper yourself.
Try not to say “no” to yourself for a little while. Tell yourself “no” for something will just make you feel worse. This is a time to tell yourself “yes.”
So, have that candy bar, especially if it’s a mini. Take that night off to do nothing but read a great book. Take a vacation day to do whatever you want.
In the end, the best way to recover from a breakup is to be kind to yourself and let the healing process happen.
And once you’ve recovered, you’ll be ready to open your heart for a new chance at love with someone new.